Fading Nightmares
by Reborn In Flames
Summary: Katniss/Peeta Post Mockingjay, Pre epilogue. As a broken Katniss attempts to continue her life she realizes she needs a certain baker to help her heal her wounds, almost as much as he needs her. Yay, love stories! Review please? :
1. Chapter 1

_The colors flash vividly before my eyes. Crimson red, the color of blood. I watch as the spear rips through Rue's body as I try to scream, but nothing comes out. I fall to my knees. But my eyes can't look away from the horror. I'm trapped. Stuck. Suddenly, everything fades to orange… orange? A soft orange… _

"Peeta!" I scream as my eyes fly open. I reach out to my left only to find cold emptiness. Of course. He's never there. He hasn't been there since we were on the train…

I shut the memory out. I refuse to let myself sink into the pit of despair that is my memories. Instead I drag myself out of bed to find that the sun has just come up. I sigh and slowly force myself to the bathroom. I strip and step into the shower, too careless to pay attention to the temperature setting. Freezing cold. The water is good. The harsh cold jolts me awake. I use a shampoo that smells like lavender, and then hop out of the shower and dry off. I look at myself in the mirror.

"Katniss.." I whisper. Why am I doing this to myself? I brush the helpless feeling off. I braid my hair, throw a simple shirt and pants on and head over to Haymitch's house. Ever since we've returned to District 12, Haymitch has been my crutch. We heal together. All of us. Even Peeta…

I stop myself. I know if I let him creep into my mind I'll fall apart. And if there's anything I can't take any longer, it's falling apart.

I don't bother to knock on Haymitch's door. I simply walk in. He'll know it's me. I open my mouth to greet him, but I'm left frozen by the sight of a beautiful pair of blue eyes.

"Katniss…" breathes Peeta. I'm numb. I can't feel my body at all. I'm not even sure I can come up with a conscious sentence. Every emotion I've kept locked inside of me comes rushing through my veins. Pain. Longing. Emptiness. Regret… Love.

"Good morning sunshine. You're here early sweetheart," Haymitch croaks. I blink and somehow manage to choke out the word, "Yeah."

Seeing him is exhilarating. Happiness and Pain all twisted into one evil monster, burning me alive. I almost laugh at the accuracy. That's exactly how I feel; on fire. I see guilt flash across Peeta's face. "It's great to see you," he says.

"Yeah," I manage to say again, this time stronger than before. I'm done being a shell. A corpse. You are strong Katniss. Be strong. It's just Peeta…

"You ok, sweetheart? You look like you just got hit by a bus," Haymitch teases. " Aint it nice being together again. Like one big family." Haymitch smiles the smile of the young vibrant victor he once was. Peeta can't help but smile too. "Well, I was just leaving… I'll see you later Haymitch," Peeta says, as he walks past me, heading for the door. His arm brushes against mine and I could swear my skin had caught fire. As he walked past I could smell the familiar scent of fresh bread. He gently closed the door behind him.

"That was first time you've seen him since we got back…." Haymitch assumes. "No," I whisper, "He's come by with Greasy Sae before." "Then why…?" Haymitch questions.

That's a great question. Why? Why can't I talk to him? Tell him that I'm sorry, that I miss him. "I don't know," I say, "But I think I'm going to go."

"Come back anytime, sweetheart. You'll know where to find me," He scoffs.

I fling the door open, slamming it behind me. _Peeta… Peeta… Peeta…_ "Damn it!" I say out loud. I wrench the door to my house open and collapse on the couch. The tears flow freely from my eyes as I think about why I can't speak to him. I can't find the words to say to him. To tell him that I need him more than anything. That I miss him and his arms around me, holding me together. Slowly, the tears subside and I drift to sleep….


	2. Chapter 2

**Well I got through the first chapter guys! Sorry it was short… I'll try to make this one longer :D Review? Yeah? **

_The picture is blurred. Foggy. I can't seem to see what's happening. My vision focuses and I see a forest. It's beautiful. I look more closely and I see Peeta. I'm flooded by happiness. "Peeta," I try to say, but as usual, nothing comes out. I'm blissful until I see Peeta glance up. That's when I feel something land on my arm. I look over and see blood. I look up and see Prim in the tree above me, hanging from a necklace of rope, with a spear protruding from her abdomen. I scream a bloodcurdling scream. _

I'm jolted awake by my vivid nightmare. I can't breathe. I sit up and try to breathe as I feel myself covered in a hot sticky sweat. I'm still on my couch where I dozed off after crying about _him. _I get up and drag my body upstairs, taking a shower for the second time today. I walk to my room and look at my clock. 1:27 P.M. I sigh and put my clothes back on. It's then I hear the door open. My heart lurches forward when I hear the ohsofamiliar call of "Katniss?"

_Peeta… _I practically run downstairs to see him eyes, wide open in concern. "Peeta," I murmur softly.

"I thought I'd come by and say hello, if you're alright with that." He stammers. "Uhm.. sure," I say. _Please. Yes. Don't' ever leave. _It's official. I'm pathetic. I offer him a chair at the table and take a seat across from him.

"Haymitch has been helping me remember things. I've been getting better… I'm sorry I didn't come by sooner, I just… Katniss?" He looks at me, questioning my attention. "Yeah? I mean, that's wonderful. I'm so… glad" _Relieved. Happy. Ecstatic. _

"How are you Katniss? I feel like it's been a while since I've talked to you," His eyes meet mine as I reply, "I've been fine." He knows I'm lying. I know he does. "Katniss…" he whispers. My mind is running wild. All of my thoughts are spiraling above my head. It's as if I'm a wild fire and my thoughts are smoke twirling above me. "I miss you," I choke out. I can't believe the words that just left my mouth. He looks at me with so much guilt. "Look, I'm sorry I haven't been around but I can't take it. You're empty Katniss. It's like you're gone," I can see the hurt in his eyes. Just another way I've hurt the boy with the bread. Tears fill my eyes. I've lost him. I left him. How could he ever forgive me? " I left you…" "Katniss, it's alright. I understand. Just please come back… come back to me…" My head snaps up. He wants me to come back… to him. "Always," I murmur. He gets up and comes to sit next to me. He rubs my arm. I let tears fall as he wipes them away with his thumb. "Katniss I remember now. I love you. I always have. It was always there deep down in me…" I look into his eyes, in disbelief. Once again, I don't understand how he could love someone like me. Empty. Selfish. Broken. I rest my head on his shoulder. He plays with my hair as I cry some more and take in as much of his scent before it's ripped away from me again.

I don't know how long we sit before he speaks. Minutes, hours, days. I can't be sure.

"Katniss, how about I make us some diner?" he suggests. My eyes light up as I look up to him. Of course I want him to make diner. I want him to stay forever. "I'd like that," I say, my lips hinting on a smile. I glance outside and see that the sun has just set. Peeta rises from his chair and enters the kitchen. I stand by the door and watch him. I knew Peeta could bake, yet I never really thought that he would be able to cook too. But he pulls out some vegetables Greasy Sae brought by yesterday and chops them up, so delicately. It's amazing watching his concentration, his eyes so sincere, his movements so exact. It's as if cooking is as easy as breathing for him. I smile. Oh how I've missed the boy with the bread. He glances over at me and smiles. My heart stops. This is the smile of my Peeta. The old Peeta.

I continue to watch him place all the vegetables in a pot along with some fresh squirrel and chicken stock. He's making soup. As it begins to cook he sighs and turns to me. "Well, now we wait," he says, proud of his masterpiece in progress. He grabs my hand and pulls me toward the couch. The feeling of his hand in mine sends flames through me. I never want to let go. As we sit on the couch, we talk about normal things. Haymitch and his drinking. The rebuilding of the districts. We talk for a long while about his therapy before he got back. I'm overjoyed to see that it helped him. That someday, the boy with the bread might be mine again. If he wants to be.

My mind wanders. That's one thing I'm unsure of. He may love me, but how could he ever be with me? I'm a mess of a broken girl, scattered on the floor. But then I remember. Looking at the scars along his arms, and the bags under his eyes, caused by sleepless nights, I remember that he's broken too.

It isn't until he gets up to check on diner that I snap back to reality. "It's done!" He says confidently. I stand and go into the kitchen to help, as he begins to pour the deliciously fragrant meal into two bowls from the cupboard. I grab two spoons from the drawer and go place them on the table. He brings our feast over and sits next to me. I carefully blow at my soup to cool it, but after the first bite, I realize that I haven't eaten anything all day. I'm ravenous. So I stuff myself with the decadent liquid, which burns my throat. But I'm too hungry to care. After I'm done, I look up and see Peeta staring at me with concern. "Well, you were hungry…" he notes. "Yeah, I guess I just didn't really eat much today," I say, attempting to calm his state of worry. He still concerned, but he drains his bowl and goes to put our dishes in the sink. When he returns, he sits next to me and says, "Maybe I should go now." My eyes shoot him a frantic look. Sensing my panic he grabs my hand and whispers "Katniss, it's alright. I won't leave you." I sigh. I'm too selfish for my own good. But I can't let him go. Not now. So he picks me up like a child and carries me upstairs. He sets me down and I step into the bathroom and prepare for bed. It's only 8:00, but I normally go to sleep early nowadays. As I take my braid out and comb through my hair with my fingers, he comes up behind me and begins to comb through my hair as well. When my eyes meet his It's as if I can see into his mind. I can tell, so clearly, that he believes I'll wake up from this despair soon. And I know he won't leave me. I sigh in content. We enter my bedroom and I flop onto the bed. He carefully climbs in after me. I'm so terribly afraid but I move closer to him, wanting to feel his warmth that I've missed for so long. He pulls me closer and I rest my head on his chest. I feel him kiss the top of my head as I drift to sleep.

**Review? Please? :)**


	3. Chapter 3

_Cato stares at me with deadly eyes. I'm on the ground, wounded, in pain. I can't feel my leg and I notice blood flowing freely from it. I wince as Cato laughs manically. Tears stream down my face. I see Cato take his sword and point it across the field we're in and I see a lifeless figure strewn out on the ground, his cold, lifeless face turned toward me. "Peeta!" I scream wordlessly, as Cato steps toward me. I thrash wildly, trying to escape, to save Peeta, but I know it's too late. Cato holds my face and lines up his sword with my neck "Bye bye little mockingjay."_

I wake up screaming and flailing my arms, trying to shake the nightmare off. Expecting loneliness, I'm startled when I pair of warm arms grab me. _Peeta…_Still crying, I sink back down on to the bed. Peeta digs his face into my hair and whispers, "It wasn't real Katniss. I'm here. You're alright." I shake uncontrollably as I try to calm down. _Peeta's not dead, Katniss. He's fine. He's right here, next to you. _I peek out the window. The sun is already peering over the horizon. "Did I wake you?" I question. "No, it's alright," he replies. I cling to his shirt and take in his scent. Eventually, he sits up. "So what would you like to do today?" He asks me. I look up at him and shrug. He laughs a little and then gets up. I pout and he laughs even more. I don't enjoy the idea of laying in bed by myself anymore now that I know what it's like to have Peeta back, so I wrench myself out of my warm covers and I follow him downstairs, into the kitchen.

"What'll it be for breakfast?" he asks me sweetly. "What, so you're like my personal chef now?" I joke. He pulls me into an embrace and laughs into my hair. "If you want me to be." I don't even have to answer. His eyes meet mine and I smile and say jokingly, "Surprise me, baker boy."

Seeing his eyes light up at my sarcastic comment made me glad I had decided to attempt to heal. He was obviously pleased, and now that we were on good terms again, I was determined to do anything to keep him happy, to keep him here. As he begins to prepare another masterpiece meal, I hear the phone ring. Assuming it's the doctor calling to check up on me, I pick it up and say, "Hello?"

I'm startled when I hear a familiar feminine voice. "Oh, Katniss.." My mother…. "Hi…m.." I can't even say the word mom. She is no mother of mine. I hear her sobs on the other end. She cries over my absence, and how I never call her. "Since when have you cared?" I say almost bitterly through the phone. Here she is, accusing me of being absent when she didn't even care enough to come home. I didn't even get a goodbye. She was gone before I could even care. "Katniss, you know I love you. I couldn't come back. You know that," she retorts. "I came back…" I whisper, letting a tear fall. She doesn't know how hard it was. To see all of the places where me and Prim sat together while I told her a story or she braided my hair. "I know, love, I know," she sighed. Feeling anger rush through my face at her term of endearment, I snap, "Don't call me that. Don't try to pretend you care about me," All I hear is silence. Once he's realized what's happening, Peeta peeks into the room. "Katniss?" he beckons careful, clearly asking for a sign that I'm alright. Clearly my mother hears him as well, because I soon hear her asking me if that was Peeta, and what he's doing at the house. "It's none of your business, mother," I say, putting a cold bitterness on the word _mother_. I hang up, dropping the phone on the table, not bothering to place it back on the receiver. I collapse to the ground, putting my head between my knees. Almost immediately, Peeta is beside me, rubbing my shoulders. "How about we eat some breakfast?" he offers. Sighing, I nod. My stomach grubbles as I realize food is a good idea. I gladly follow him to the kitchen table where a greatly appetizing plate of eggs and toast awaits me. I smile and thank him generously as we sit down and eat. As I devour my food, I think about what we should do today. I smile at the thought of using the word _we._ Peeta and me.

As I finish, Peeta takes my plate to the kitchen. I walk toward the hallway and call toward the kitchen, "I'm going to take a shower!" "Alright!" I hear him call. Once I reach the bathroom I rush. It's as if I'm worried that I might come out and Peeta will be gone. Like he never came. Like I was dreaming the whole time. _He said he wouldn't leave you Katniss…_ I reminded myself. As the sweet smell of artificial strawberry filled my shower, I began to hum a mining song my father taught me when I was young. I couldn't remember all the words, but I could clearly recall the tune, so I hummed the singsong-y melody. This both brightened my mood and depressed me. I avoided music for plenty of reasons; mostly my father. But being able to sing once again, even if it's just a hum is a great sign of my recovery. I hop out of the shower and dry off, anxiously awaiting the warm welcoming of Peeta. As I throw on some real clothes I walk into the living room expecting to see him on the couch.

"Peeta?" I call anxiously. After a few moments of silence I realize I'm alone. He's not here. I collapse on the floor. _Was I dreaming? Was any of it real at all? _I tightly shut my eyes and rock slowly back and forth. It seems like an eternity before I hear his frightened voice. "Katniss!" he screams. I know he sees me, broken on the floor. Why is he here? Didn't he leave me? When I feel his hands caress my face, I can tell he's yelling at me, screaming my name, but I block out the sound. I am deaf. I lock myself in a bubble, where there's only me. No Peeta. Just me. I feel calm. Numb. It isn't until his warm familiar lips on mine that I'm jolted back to reality. My eyes fly open and I stare at him in shock and disbelief. "Are you alright?" he asks, obviously in a panic. I can't even speak. My heart races in my chest. I feel something in me that I haven't felt in a long time. Hunger. I can't help but crush my lips against his, savoring the soft, warm, perfection. He obliges, obviously hoping that this will bring me back to reality. Liquid fire runs through my veins. Eventually I pull back and find myself looking into his cold blue eyes, the look almost swimming with emotion. "I'm sorry…" I feel so guilty. He looks at me and says, "No Katniss, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left. I just went to my house to grab some things, since I figured I might be staying a while." I felt immediate guilt. Leave it to me to overreact when all he was doing was grabbing some of his things. I'm so selfish. But then I realized… _He kissed me._ I small smile creeped onto my face. "Katniss…?" he questioned, obviously wondering why I was smiling. "You kissed me," I whispered. "Yeah, I guess I did," he smiled. I sat up, feeling better now that I knew he was here, that he was real. "I promise I'll warn you before I leave again, alright?" he vowed. I nodded my head. "So what'd you get from your house?" I questioned. I looked past him to see a folding easel and a box full of vibrant shades of paint and a variety of brushes. "Katniss, I'd be honored if you let me paint a picture of you."

**Like it? Yeah? Then review! And give me some feedback on what you thought of Katniss's reaction to her mother calling. I just thought that Katniss would be angry at her mother once again for leaving her in District 12, when Katniss could've used her company. And giving her nothing but a phone call seems like something her mother would do, and I don't think Katniss would've appreciated that much. Which is why I wrote it the way I did. Don't agree? Give me some feedback with your opinion! :D **


	4. Chapter 4

**Honestly, you guys are amazing Thanks to all the people who have been reviewing/ subscribing! Special shoutout to That'sLadySeaMonsterToYou for the great feedback! I really appreciate it! It's people like you who make me want to write, which motivated me to write this next chapter! So, here we go! **

At first I'm afraid. I've seen the beautiful, horrifying things Peeta can do with a paint brush. But I can't say no to him. Not after I just sent him into a full blown panic from my exaggerated meltdown. I look to him and nod weakly, seeing a triumphant smile spread across his face. _He is so beautiful when he smiles like that…_ I feel him get up and grab his tools, setting up his space near the couch. I hear him say that it provides the perfect light. Feeling awkward doing nothing, I ask if there's anything I can do to help. He replies, "Nothing. All you have to do is smile and look beautiful… which you already do." I laugh and say, "Smooth, Mellark, real smooth." He chuckles, and continues adjusting his easel. "You could braid your hair for me." It's then I realize I never fixed it after taking a shower. I step to the bathroom, combing through my hair and braiding it into my normal style with ease. I stroll back into the living room to find that Peeta is ready, paintbrush in hand. As I approach him, I see he has already managed to mix an array of stunning colors. An olive tone the exact color of my skin. A misty grey color my eyes take when I'm calm. A beautiful deep brown that depicts the color of my hair when it's shining in the sun exactly. Pleased, I take a seat and wait for his instruction. "Sit on the left side of the couch, and um… look toward the door to the backyard… yeah, just like that. Don't move," he commands. I obey and try to make myself as still as possible. "Katniss, I want you to stay still, but don't tense up like that. Just relax. Pretend you're simply looking outside, admiring a beautiful day."

As he says this, I relax my body and look at how the shadows playfully make shapes on the grass outside. I hear the swiping of his brush against the paper. The splatter of the water he dips each brush in when he's ready to move on to the next shade. After what seems like a short while of daydreaming, he declares his completion. I rise to see his masterpiece. I'm floored. Of course, I can tell it's me. And I'm beautiful. Stunning. Radiant. But it feels so wrong. I look at the painted Kantiss's even, golden skin. Her soft gray eyes, unharmed by horror and nightmares. Her beautiful, smooth hair. When I look into the mirror that is not who I see. I see a broken girl, with bags under her eyes, shaded a light purple. I see frizzy hair, thrown lazily into a braid. I see harsh cold eyes, cracked by the years of pain and war. "That's not me," I whisper, "She is too beautiful to be me." Peeta looks hurt. His eyebrows squish together in disappointment. "Well, I didn't ask for your opinion. This may not be how you see yourself, but when I look at you, this is exactly who I see. A beautiful huntress. My Katniss." I'm stunned by his words. Leave it to Peeta to make me look like an ungrateful, stubborn girl, who doesn't think she's pretty. I thank him kindly. It is amazing. Truly, it's a masterpiece. "You never have seen yourself clearly," he notes. "I know," I sigh. If he's pleased with it, I don't mind. "What are you going to do with it?" I ask. "I'm going to hang it in my 'gallery'," he says. Observing the confusion on my face, he asks me if I would like to see what he's talking about. I nod, and he pulls me through the front door, toward his house. I realize that I don't remember ever going to Peeta's house. I knew his was supposed to be identical to mine. But I don't recall ever being inside of it. He opens the unlocked front door and I'm flooded with emotion.

Everywhere. Paintings everywhere. Effie and her bubble gum hair. Haymitch and his bottle. Finnick and his piece of rope. Johanna and her short cropped locks. Cinna, with his bright gold eyeliner. Portia and her soft plum lips. Rue and her bird like stance. Prim and her loving eyes… everywhere he has painted these people we love. I don't know what to feel. Happiness. Pain. Joy. Anger. It's like a museum. They're here forever, documented on Peeta's walls. But they bring back the nightmares. The unwelcome thoughts. All I can do is cry. I'm almost certain he knows how I feel. Although he seems to deal with the deaths slightly better than me, I can tell he feels pain too. He pulls me down the hallway where I see the faces of his dead family. His two older brothers, who look like him with only slight differences. I see his cold mother, who, although she was cruel, obviously had a place in Peeta's heart. And last, his father. The baker, painted with warm eyes and a loving smile, stared at me on the wall. I felt a pang of guilt. This poor boy was alone. But so was I. We needed each other. He continued to pull me to his bedroom, which may have well been the Katniss room.

I was everywhere. I vaguely remember most of these pictures from Peeta's train car of paintings. Me high up in a tree. Me sleeping in the cave. Me armed with my bow and arrow, ready to strike. I am beautiful. But I am horrifying. I can't help but feel sympathy. If I could copy Peeta's beautiful face with exact, perfect strokes like he's done with me, I would hang his shining blue eyes all over the walls of my room. I spent a little while longer examining myself before Peeta spoke up. "We never really ate lunch, so how about we go home and I make use some sandwiches?" he offers. I stutter a yes and feel butterflies when I notice the way he said home. As if it wasn't my home, but was just home. Almost like _our_ home. I smile as we walk _home._

Peeta makes me a sandwich with melted cheese. I moan in delight at the taste of the amazing invention. Sensing my approval he tells me they call it a grilled cheese sandwich. I make note of the name, sure I will crave it again in the near future. After we finish, we have nothing better to do than trudge upstairs to bed. He dresses in the pajamas he must have brought over from his home today. I dress in pajamas as well, admiring the soft, silky fabric. We climb into to bed as I wrap my arms around his torso. Pulling me in, he whispers a soft goodnight in my ear. I grunt a strange, incoherent reply, too tired to try and respond. He leans over and whispers, "Oh, and Katniss? I think you're beautiful." I drift into sleep with a smile on my face.


	5. Chapter 5

**Keep the reviews coming! You guys are great. So far, I'm updating like crazy. Don't be disappointed if I slow down a little. I want the anticipation to build! But I'll still try to update frequently for you guys. And I fully intend to write all the way up until the epilogue, however, there may be some gaps between major events, because in my mind, Everything happens very slowly with Katniss and Peeta's relationship here on out. So stay tuned! **

_The air is cold. It's hard to breathe. It only takes me a few seconds to realize I'm in District 13. I'm sitting in an empty room with two chairs and a table. Eventually I hear a door click open. I see the unimpressed eyes of Coin, her grey hair still in the perfect flawless style it always is. Not a hair out of place. She sits across from me. She hands me a newspaper and I can see that the cover reads, "Rebels Put Down by Capitol Army." I'm in a panic. I've failed. Coin laughs. Confused I look up as she mouths, "Now for your punishment, Mockingjay." I try to run, but I can't move a muscle. I hear the door click open once again, as Peeta enters the room. At first I'm relieved. He'll save me. It isn't until I look into his cold eyes that I realize he's having one of his flashbacks. He's hijacked. As his hands reach my throat, I wake._

Screaming bloody murder, my eyes fly open, my lungs taking in as much air as possible. I look over and see Peeta pulling my arm. At first I'm deathly afraid. I fall out of the bed, my hands clutching my throat protectively. Peeta pieces the puzzle together and is suddenly on the verge of tears, ashamed. "Katniss, I'm not going to hurt you. I promise. Please, come back to bed," He murmurs, coaxing me back to him. When I see his sincere eyes, filled with worry, I feel bad for acting so frightened. Peeta would never hurt me. Although he'll never be fully healed, he doesn't want to kill me anymore. At least, I don't think so. I crawl back into bed and curl up like a child. He leans down and kisses the faded bruises adorning my neck where he strangled me. Stroking my hair softly, he hums a beautiful song that reminds me of a flowing river.

This is the most peaceful I've felt in forever. My memories of my childhood are clouded with blood and screams, so this is the most calm I remember being. I don't want to get up, but I have to. "Peeta, today I'm going to make _you_ breakfast," I decide. "Katniss," he says sweetly, "As much as I'd love you to make me breakfast, I think it'd be best for the both of us if you let me do the cooking." I was offended, but not seriously. "Peeta Mellark, are you insulting my cooking skills?" He fidgets on the bed. "No…" he stammers, obviously lying. I scowl jokingly and give in to his request. "Fine, feed me."

He rises from our comfy bed and bounces down the stairs. I smile at his enthusiasm and follow him, my stomach yelling at me for food. As I reach the kitchen only a few seconds after him, he turns to me and says brightly, "I'm going to make you cheese buns. Thy're your favorite. Real or not real?" I pause, slightly afraid. I thought he was better. I didn't think the questions were necessary anymore… "Real," I eventually say, "But you've already asked me before." "Oh…" he stammers, confused. He clearly doesn't remember. So I try and lighten the mood by saying, "But I would love it if you made me some." He smiles and gets to work.

Watching Peeta bake is even more beautiful than watching him cook. Baking for him is clearly a passion. It gives him true happiness. Although it looks incredibly tiring, kneading the dough relentlessly, shaping each perfect loaf, I can tell it's everything to him. I see beads of sweat forming on his brow, but in his eyes, I see a crystal blue, so soft, it's as if his eyes are flowing rivers. He's no one but Peeta, the baker, the boy with the bread. He's my Peeta. After each loaf is done and sprinkled with freshly grated cheese, he picks the tray up with strong arms and places it into the glowing oven. He sighs proudly, turning toward me, only to catch me staring at him. He laughs, almost giggles, when he catches me gawking. I stutter in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, I just love watching you bake. It's… beautiful," Beautiful being the only word that conveys the right emotion. He smirks at me and casually walks toward the couch, expecting me to follow.

I chuckle when I think about us frequenting my couch. It's like the unofficial spot to wait for food. He sits and grabs the remote, which has been untouched since I returned to my home in the Victor's Village. I avoided the outside world as much as possible, not wanting to hear the desperate apologies from the pathetic people of the Capitol, or the promises from Paylor that things will be different this time. But here, with Peeta, I think I can manage. As soon as the screen brightens, a scene of the construction in District 4 is shown. I think of my mother, and quickly slide the thought aside, not in the mood to be angry. As Peeta flips through the channels, a flash of Caesar Flickerman appears. I feel Peeta's body tense up, as he obviously is remembering being forced to appear on television. It isn't until I see his cold eyes, almost exactly like my most recent nightmare, that I realize he is having a flashback. In only a second, I'm torn between running and taking my chances, holding him in my arms. _You know he'd hold you, if it was you, Katniss,_ I remind myself. Taking a deep breath, I wrap my arms around him. This was a bad idea. He takes this as a threat, immediately thrashing attempt to escape my "attack". I release my arms, flying from the couch, quickly taking shelter behind the side table. He stares at me with a murderous glance. "Peeta," I say softly, "It isn't real, love. You're alright. Nothing's going to hurt you I promise. I'm here." He looks bewildered. He's torn between what his mind tells him and what he knows, somewhere inside of his subconscious. "Come back to me, Peeta." At this, he snaps back to reality. His eyes pooling with tears, he takes a step toward me and falls to the floor, whispering, "I'm so sorry Katniss. I'll never be completely healed. I'm too dangerous. I didn't hurt you, did I?" Thinking about it, I realize that when he was thrashing, he managed to hit my arm pretty hard, possibly bruising it, but that was my fault. "No, I'm alright," I finally reply, going to sit next to him on the floor, to comfort him. He lays his head in my lap and I stroke his hair, humming the mining song I recalled in the shower yesterday. "Katniss, you're humming," He says with delight. I smile, embarrassed and say a small "Yes". He gets up and places his soft lips against mine. I am hit by a feeling that I had the perfect word for; Hunger. I twisted my fingers in his ashy waves, feeling warmth wash over me like a tsunami. It was the most beautiful moment of my life, until an intruding buzzing noise ripped us apart. "Um, the bread's done…" Peeta says shyly, getting up to inspect his masterpiece. I grumble, clearly angry. Stupid loaves of delicious smelling bread.

We eat and then I suggest I go to Haymitch's house today. Peeta is shocked when I purposely say I rather than we, but I just smile. "Well, I thought maybe you'd want to move in… and bring some stuff over, and I didn't know if you were okay with me going through your stuff with you…" He grinned. "Katniss, of course I'll move in with you. I've been here the past two days. I might as well have already moved in." Relieved, I sigh. "I would help you, but I really need to talk to Haymitch," I explain. He nods, like the understanding person he is. I get up to take a shower and prepare for the rest of the day. After lathering my hair with sweet smelling shampoo and rinsing, I throw on some khaki pants, boots, and a button up green shirt. I roll the sleeves up, noting the sunny weather outside. I braid my hair with ease while I'm walking down the stairs, ready to head to Haymitch's house. Peeta kisses me lightly on the forehead before walking toward his home, as I tread on to Haymitch's abode. Upon opening the door, I'm swamped by the fragrant, but familiar, smell of filth and alcohol. "Well hi there sweetheart. Take a seat," he bellows, drunk, but not nearly as much as usual.

Haymitch's doctor decided that to get his mind off of drinking, he needed to give Haymitch a hobby. For reasons unbeknownst to be, it was decided he would tend geese. It was clear that his alcohol supply was slowly being decreased in preparation for the oncoming spring.

I take my usual seat, closest to the window. "Haymitch, I need your help," I beg him. He looks at me with a mocking smirk and replies, "You always need my help, Katniss." "Yeah, yeah, alright," I say, beginning to lose my temper. I take deep breaths. "Haymitch, Peeta's been staying over for the past couple days," I slowly explain. "Congrats, I didn't think either of you were the dirty type," He chuckles. "Dammit, I didn't sleep with him you drunken bastard!" He can sense my seriousness now. "Ok, sweetheart, I'm listening."

"I think I'm in love with him." Haymitch stops and stares. "Sweetheart, I could've told you that a while ago," he says unimpressed. I'm starting to feel anger, thrashing inside of me. "I don't know if being with him like that is right. With his flashbacks, it might be dangerous for his recovery, being with me," I say, worried. He laughs in disbelief. "Katniss Everdeen, worried about someone else. Peeta's issues or needs have never stopped you from using him before." I could've slapped him across the face right there. But suppressing my violence, I simply walk out without a word, because he's absolutely right. I guess only he can truly see how selfish I am. I continue heading back to my house, soon to be me and Peeta's house.

When I arrive, Peeta asks me how my visit with Haymitch was. I tell him I don't want to talk about it and he doesn't question me any further. We finish unpacking all the things he's brought over. We eat a simple diner of chicken and mushrooms and then hurry off to _our_ bed.

He tucks me in like a child, climbing in slowly after. Whispering closely in my ear, he says, "Goodnight Katniss Everdeen. I love you." I won't let my immense guilt ruin this moment though. How did I ever deserve him? I begin to question that, as we fall asleep, wrapped in each other's arms.

**DONE! Yay! We finally got to see hijacked Peeta. Spoiler Alert: I fully intend on hijacked Peeta to be making a reappearance in the near future, so keep checking back!**

**Oh, and a little surprise next chapter, too!**

**Review please! **


	6. Chapter 6

**It's been TOO LONG! I know, I'm sorry I haven't updated guys. I still love you, I promise. Well I told you there'd be a surprise this chapter, so drum roll please….**

**There's gonna be some POV changes in this chapter! Yay! **

**Ok, before I begin, I'd like to make clear that this is months later, mkay? Fast forwarding a little. Hope you all enjoy! **

**Katniss's POV**

_I felt the cool drops of rain on my face. They dampened my hair. I loved the smell of the rain mixed with the familiar scent of pine trees. It smelled like home. I was wandering through a forest, alone, with no weapons. This made me feel uneasy. Vulnerable. I began to feel anxious, uncomfortable. I heard a crunch behind me, and only a moment later I was pinned to the ground. My breathing accelerated rapidly as I tried to make sense of what was happening. My heart sank in my chest when my vision focused; Clove. She smirked at me. It was then I noticed the drops of rain had turned into drops of sticky, hot blood. Clove looked up toward the sky and when her face turned back to me, it was dripping with dark red liquid. The scent made me want to puke. She pulled a knife, the same one she had pulled on me during the games, and I knew Thresh wouldn't be there to save me now. She traces my lips with her knife and asks, "Want to blow Lover Boy one last kiss?" I scream as she digs the knife into my face, thrusting me awake._

I screech and claw at my bed spread, trying desperately to control my fear. I await the familiar warm arms to hold me, but they don't. I look over and remember. _That's right. He's not here._ He had left early this morning on a trip to visit his doctor in the capital. Ever since his doctor found out we were together, he became very worried that my presence would become a difficulty in Peeta's recovery. It's been 5 months since that day that Peeta had his last breakdown, so his doctor decided that it was time for what he called a "precautionary check-up".

I'm suddenly hit by fear when I realize I'm alone. Alone in the cold, bitter, darkness of the bedroom.

**Peeta's POV**

I sit casually in the luxurious train car, sipping at a cup of coffee. It's very early, but I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. Not without her. It's painful being without her. So many times throughout my life I've been without her. And now, having her seems so solid. We can finally help each other without any other problems. Except the nightmares. Always the nightmares.

I sigh gently, looking at my reflection in the glossy window of the train. It's hard to believe the man, broken beyond repair, is me. I can't even remember who I used to be. I only remember that I loved Katniss and I still do. Nothing else matters.

I assume she'll be rising soon. I feel intense guilt over the fact that I couldn't be there to hold her when she woke screaming. Not today.

I made Haymitch promise that he'd keep an eye on her. Make sure she didn't trudge off into the woods with out being supervised. I may be over protective, yes. But after everything, I have every right to be.

I turn my thoughts back to Katniss just waking up. I visualize the fear in her eyes, the vulnerability she despises so much. But then, seeing her face calm once my arms reach her is worth it all. Knowing that I can help her. I wonder if she'll read the letter I left her this morning. I'm sure she will.

**Katniss's POV**

I crawl into a ball and let a tear or two escape. Only while he's gone, I let myself cry. Otherwise, I'd cause him worry, and with my nightmares, I already cause him enough concern. As I stretch my arms out to his usual, currently unoccupied, spot, I find a piece of hard paper. I grasp it, knowing it was left by him. I sniff the folded paper, smelling his beautiful scent embedded into the fibers of this letter. Opening it, I read,

_My beautiful Katniss,_

_I'm sorry I had to leave you alone before you woke. I feel terrible. I just want you to know that I'll be home soon, alright? And I asked Haymitch to keep an eye on you, so don't even think of doing anything I wouldn't approve of. _

_Just wait, I'll be back before you know it. _

_I love You, Katniss._

_Love, Peetal_

I felt instant warmth rush through me. I hugged the card close, clutching to the only thing that he had left for me to hold on to while he was gone. It wasn't until I dragged my body downstairs that I realized he had left me one more thing.

"Grilled cheese!" I said excitedly. Munching at my pre-made breakfast, I felt like I might actually function until he got back late tonight. With an astounding new energy, I decided to clean up a little, and make the house perfect for when he returned. I opened all the windows in the house and quickly got to work.

**Peeta's POV**

I glance at my watch. 12:23 A.M. My appointment is scheduled for 12:30, so I am confident I'll arrive just on time. Stepping out of the train car, I'm hit by a wave of emotion. The candy colored houses. The cleanliness. It was like I was having a nightmare.

I shock my head and continued to follow two simply dressed men to the medical center.

If there's one thing I hated, it's medical centers. The bland color palates, the sterile smell of antibiotics, the looming presence of death. It was unnerving. However, I silently followed my guides down the gray hallways until I reached the room with a plaque that read "Mental Ward". I almost laughed. It's perfect, me going to a mental ward. I'm practically insane. I lightly step though, being cautious not to make noise or attract unnecessary attention to myself. I just want the doctor to tell me I'm alright and let me leave so I can return home to _her._ I'm led to a corner with two comfy looking chairs and a nice side table, occupied by fake, unnaturally colorful Gerber daisies. Tapping my foot against the linoleum, I await the arrival of whatever doctor plans on seeing me today. Although I have one doctor, many different ones have treated me before.

I see an average male with shaggy brown hair and wire glass, clutching a clipboard, approaching me. He holds his hand out and greets me warmly. I mutter a greeting, not quite of equal verve. I don't care at the moment. I just want to be home.

"So we're going to show you some clips that we previously attempted to cure you with. Is that alright?" I pause. 'Yeah, sure, ok," I muttered. I'm led down yet another hallway into a simple room with a television and an arm chair. I sit and await the horror or the clips they're about to show me from the games. The lights dim as I see Katniss. She's beautiful. With her bow, she attacks the boy from district one. Marvel was his name, I remember that. I see that now she's going to go sing to the dying body of Rue… Right? Something in my head tells me that she's not. She's the one who put that spear through Rue. Katniss is going to finish her off. I shake my head. I know for a fact Katniss wouldn't do that. Katniss s going to comfort Rue. But what if she's not? My mind swirls in an awkward configuration. The clip is paused right before Katniss reaches Rue.

"Katniss killed Rue. Real or not real?" Half of my brain screams real. The other half screams not real. I take a deep breath. I know Katniss. I love Katniss. And I wouldn't love a killer. I slur the words "Not real," irritated by my inability to separate my thoughts. "Very good," I'm praised. This cycle of hurtful scenes, conflicting thoughts, and a battle between real and not real continues. Eventually my hand is gripping my chair with immense force, as I'm forcing answers out through barred teeth. I can't take it. In a rage, I stand up and hit my fist against the wall. "I'm fine, alright! I'm perfectly fine! Just leave me and Katniss alone and let us be happy for once in our GOD DAMMNED LIVES!"

My weakness makes me feel ashamed. The doctor dismisses me to return home. I do so gladly and willingly.

**Katniss's POV**

I had spent all day preparing the house. It was spotless. Greasy Sae had come over and helped me prepare something edible, in case Peeta had an appetite. I didn't want to look anxious so I sat down on the couch casually and flicked on the television. I decided on a cooking show, where a pleasant woman prepared a delicious meal of lemon chicken and green beans. I paid close attention, knowing that if thee was anything that needed improvement, it was my cooking skills. It wasn't until I heard footsteps outside that my concentration was broken. The door opened, revealing my baker, whose expression was distraught and angered. Despite his mood, I flung myself into his arms.

**Peeta's POV**

Feeling Katniss's warmth pulled me out of my angry mood. I felt at peace. Feeling her warmth and smelling the lovely scent of her lavender shampoo, sent chills up my spine. I felt passion. I caressed her chin, tilting her head up, lightly pressing my lips to hers. The feeling is unbearable. Fire is burning across my flesh, and I loved it.

Today had been one of the worst days of my life. It had been torture, practically. Not just because they had showed me all of those terrible things. But because I had to be away from her.

In that moment I knew that she was all that mattered. So pushing out all of my doubts and uncertainty, I kissed her jaw and carefully whispered her ear, "You love me. Real or not real?"

**Katniss's POV**

I didn't even have to think.

"Real."

**You like? Yeah? Well I hope you did. AND BTW TODAY WAS THE WORLD PREMIERE OF THE MOVIE! I watched the live stream of the red carpet (even though the carpet was black). It was pretty great. Getting really excited for the movie guys! **

**As always, review please! And be looking out for next chapter!**


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